Grandma

Just had a weekly lunch with my grandma and relatives. Her mental health, I can tell is going down hill. She screams saying she is so scared at randoms moments, grabs tightly and doesnt want to let go as she is afraid you leave her. I cant do anything to take away her fear but all I said was that Jesus loves you and Jesus is in your heart. And I will then sing "Thank you Thank you Jesus" in Chinese. 

After lunch, we proceed to Yakun to have coffee. During that session, my auntie started sharing on how mama reacts/ behaves. My relatives all started laughing. I hate it when my relatives all laughs loudly and "makes fun" of her actions. Although I know logically it seems funny however I know that she can't control her words/actions. Upon hearing, I really felt so sorry for mama that I told my relatives "off" by firstly saying how will you feel that if you are old and all laughs at you this way and secondly, if you want to laugh please don't do it in front of her. So poor thing.=(  All I could say to her was it's ok, God knows their hearts and God loves you. However, looking back in a different perspective , my relatives might have used the laughter to cover their sadness. 

Mama also asked me this question, which was "Can I die now"? My reply was I love you and will miss you alot if you die. Then she followed by saying "if you miss me, then come everyday to visit me". That left me without words. My heart wants too, however I know it is impossible to go everyday. 

Lord oh Lord, please give me the strength and set aside time for me to visit her. 

Lastly, Lord, I feel sad when mama says that she want to die. However I know that everything happens in Your time. I lift her to Your mighty hands, let her thoughts be filled with Your goodness and love rather than thoughts of wanting to die and may the supplements we are giving to help in improving her quality of life. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen. 

Joanne